


burning up a sun

by heroes_in_the_grecian_sky



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (Temporary) Major Character Death, (tw: slightly suicidal tones), Female pronouns for Pidge, M/M, keith’s pov, post-season 2/some spoilers for season 3, slight language, tw: neglect of a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:39:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroes_in_the_grecian_sky/pseuds/heroes_in_the_grecian_sky
Summary: When things go wrong on one of Keith's attempts to track down Shiro, he ends up down a Lion and a power source. Running out of time and out of air, he's only got so many chances to find a way out of this mess.But when it becomes clear that the only end to this story doesn't leave him alive, he comes to terms with his life and the most important memories therein. Thinking back on all the most valuable pieces of his time with the other paladins, with the Alteans, and with Red, he decides to do one last thing with his life and leave a message behind, all the things he never got to say or was too scared to. It isn't easy to accept your own death, but it''s harder for the ones left behind. Keith knows this.At the very least, he can say goodbye.





	burning up a sun

**Author's Note:**

> “...just to say goodbye.”
> 
> for Klance Big Bang 2017

It hits so fast Keith isn’t entirely sure what just happened. All he knows is that the blast has Red out of commission and he’s still hurtling toward something in the darkness. The speed, without Red’s interference, is dizzying and he pulls at their connection in his mind frantically. There’s something at the edges of his vision that they’re flying toward at too fast a speed to make it out. The last thing he needs is a crash landing and he screams for Red again. 

But the more he pulls at Red the worse he feels the situation get. Red’s gone for now and that crash landing is looking more and more likely. Keith turns to face whatever planet he’s about to collide into, hoping that it’s better than the last one he landed on. He's really got no desire to go geyser jumping again, considering it almost got him killed last time. 

He takes in the sight before him with growing panic. It isn’t a planet he’s headed for. It’s a sun, and it looks like it’s collapsing. 

“Shit!” Keith hisses and reaches for Red’s controls again, tugging on them fiercely. “Red, I could really use your help right now!”

But Red stays quiet. Even if the Red Lion is built for high heat, he’s not sure it can hold up against a sun. And if it is collapsing, the black hole that forms will certainly be too cold. But that’s nothing compared to the problems he’ll have without her power. He pulls at the controls uselessly a few more times. He takes stock of the situation. He’s got no power and no flight, and he’s on a crash-course with an exploding star. He tries the comms even though he knows what he’ll get. 

Static.

In spite of that, he continues to yell into his comm. “Hello? If anyone can hear me, I need help! Red’s down and I’m headed for impact with a collapsing sun!” 

He doesn’t think the message will reach anyone but it’s worth a shot. Whatever hit them must have had an electromagnetic component to have knocked all the systems out, although on second thought he’s not sure even that would do it. The Lions run on quintessence after all. What could knock that out? It doesn’t really matter at the moment. He’ll just have to hold out hope that Red comes back on. She’s never let him down before.

* * *

As it turns out, she can, in fact, let him down. It’s been hours at least and nothing’s come back online. And that sun is still looming in the corner of his vision. It’s a bit terrifying, but he’s trying not to think about it. He’s more preoccupied with working on what he can reach of the power source. The Lions don’t function on regular fuel (or regular engineering really) so he’s a bit out of his league here. Nothing looks like anything he knows, and even if he isn’t an engineer like Hunk, he knows his way around an engine. Although apparently not when it comes to Altean space Lions. 

He’s sitting in pile of wiring and metal when he finally decides to give up. Nothing seems to make sense and he’s only got so much light from his helmet. Without Red’s power, all he has is the suit’s auxiliary power, but it has a limited battery. Already the suit’s showing 75% left, after he tried taking out his frustration on the wiring. The dented metal stares back at him and he apologizes to Red.

But still, his suit is running on a small amount of saved power. Without the connection to the lion, the battery can only last a few days at most, but the Princess and Coran had said not to push it past 48 hours. Well, they said 2 quintants, but two days seems to be the approved translation. He takes a deep breath.

A thought strikes him. While having the suit is important for air regulation on planets, here it’s definitely his only source of oxygen. Without it…

The thought gets him to start moving again. There has to be some way to trigger Red and get her up and running again. He just isn’t trying hard enough. He won’t die out here.

* * *

“WHY WON’T THIS WORK?”

He kicks the paneling and immediately regrets it. The pain distracts him from his anger momentarily, but he hasn’t managed to calm down. Literally nothing has done anything to spark Red’s consciousness in his mind, and there aren’t even sparks coming off the wiring anymore. 

He’s furious with himself, with Red, with whatever damn thing sent them spiralling out of control, with the exploding star that looms in the corner of his vision, with his whole stupid life. 

It just isn’t fair that nothing seems to help. He’s slammed his hands against the floor so many times that his armor is scratched on the hand pieces. He can feel the dull throbbing in his hands with every beat of his heart. What he wants to do is run away, go somewhere and just get rid of the anger, somewhere where he won’t hurt anyone he cares about. Keith was never good with anger management. Back in the Garrison, it had nearly gotten him expelled a dozen times before his rant about Shiro and the Kerberos mission finally ended his time there.

He used to go running to calm down, which meant he went running a lot. As a kid, his last set of foster parents tried to get him into cross country but he refused. Team sports, even as loose as that, weren’t his thing. He made it down to the lake and back one day without stopping, the whole 20 miles, after someone made a comment about his parents, the real ones. His legs almost gave out but he didn’t even feel the tiredness. His mind had finally calmed down during the repetitive breathe in, breathe out pace. 

There’s nowhere to run here. The room feels smaller every minute, shrinking in on him and making him remember his shrinking power supply. 

But what good will the anger do? He’s been down this path before, and every time it just leads to people getting hurt. He broke a desk once, at the Garrison, and it got him suspension for two weeks. Shiro took him aside after that and asked him why he did it, as if he didn’t know. 

Patience yields focus. Let go of your anger and breathe.

He’s lived by those words since then. Keith wonders if Shiro understands just how much it means to him, to have told him that yes, you can have anger, but no, you don’t have to keep it. Just breathe, find your peace, and focus will come to you. Your anger doesn’t have to control you. It was better advice than any therapist had given him.

He breathes in and out in the simple pattern one of the old therapy books suggested. It’s one of the only techniques that was actually useful. In for four counts through the nose, out for eight counts through the mouth. The anger fades like it always does, but instead of feeling peace, he just feels empty. 

His helmet reads 50%. He shouldn’t have tried jumping the cables.

* * *

“Please Red, I need you. Please!” He’s bent over in his chair, gripping the armrests. He’s losing his cool again. It’s been another few hours or so, but he can’t think about anything but how to get out of this mess. The supernova star is blinding in the window. He can’t escape it.

“If you wake up, I promise I’ll do anything. You want me to clean the whole place, inside and out? I will. I’ll do the others too, even the castle! Just come back to me.”

His voice is getting hoarse from the begging, but what else can he do? Nothing he tries is working and the longer he just sits and waits, the worse his situation gets. Red has to wake up. Without her…

The armor on his arms is digging into his skin, his grip tightening on the chair. Desperation is sinking in for every minute he stays out here. The helmet reads 45%. 

“Hey Red… I know I’m not the best option out there. I’m probably not your first choice for a paladin. I’m too angry and not good enough and I suck at teamwork and I can’t follow instructions and I never slow down or wait for back-up and I push the turns to hard even though I know you don’t like it and I take the blows and you get dented and I can’t...can’t do this.”

“If I could give you to someone better, I would, you know. You deserve someone magnificent, someone who treats you like the goddess you are. I mean, someone who cares and listens to you. I know that’s not me. But you did accept me, just for a bit. I wonder if you know how much that meant to be, to be chosen. It hasn’t happened often in my life, people choosing me, I mean. It meant everything. I felt like I had a purpose, for the first time in my life. Even the Garrison didn’t feel like this. But you, Red, you made me feel eager to try. You made me feel alive.”

“So please Red, if you’ve ever felt something for me, please wake up. I need you now more than ever.”

The moments pass in silence. It’s funny how you can hear the sound of a heart breaking.

* * *

The night passes sleeplessly. Keith wakes up more often than he ever has, jerking awake at the slightest imagined noise, praying for Red or the others to come. It never happens. Once, he really believed there were lights from the castle shining in the room, but all that remains is an exploding star. It’s a fever dream without the fever. His helmet reads 37%.

It won’t be enough for long. 

He rests his head on the wall, legs tucked up under his arms. His eyes slide shut, unbidden. The exhaustion is setting in after his tantrum earlier, but he can’t rest. All he has are his own thoughts. 

He thought that he’d gotten used to them. Back in the desert shack that used to be his home, Keith had nothing but his own thoughts and a sky full of stars. Only one of them was ever any comfort though. His thoughts have never been safe for him.

He thinks negatively of himself, according to the myriad of therapists he’d been forced to see in middle school. One them thought it was his “abandonment issues,” another claimed it was genetic. He doesn’t care why.

It doesn’t matter. He’s going to die alone, in a spaceship far from home. His life hasn’t led to anything anyways. He’s a dropout, good-for-nothing, freeloading loner. When he dies, there won’t be anything left behind. Just a suit of armor and a Lion that will go on without him. Part of him wants to be like the star. At least he could leave behind a hole. At least he would be remembered. Even if all he leaves is destruction and chaos, he leaves something.

But who will be there to remember him? The others can’t afford to grieve, not while they’re out saving the world. The Princess and Coran have lost too much to care for one more death, one more person they barely knew. Pidge has her brother and father to find, a home to go back to. Hunk had his life too, and even Lance. They were never that close to him anyways. The only one who ever cared was Shiro.

He has no parents either, no siblings, no aunts, no uncles, no cousins, no grandparents, no nothing. If one of them had to go, at least it was him. No one’s going to miss him. He wonders if his parents would even care. His dad kept flying, even though he knew how dangerous it could be. His mother, whoever and whatever she was, left a long time ago. All he remembers is lavender flowers and a warm voice. Clearly he wasn’t enough for her to stay. She wouldn’t mourn. No one would. No one will.

Keith wonders what will happen to his body, wonders whether they’ll bury it, or cremate it, or just send it off into space. Honestly, he’d prefer the last one. The stars have always been his home. Even when he had nothing, he had the stars. Even now, he can see the sky from his window. Space is a constant when nothing else is. His body can join it, just like his soul, if he has one. 

He’s never thought about the afterlife. One foster family tried to take him to church, but they gave up pretty quickly. He was never much for religion, didn’t care about heaven or hell. All that mattered was life as it was. Well, that life was about to be over and now he had to worry about what came next. Not that he could make it into any heaven anyways. He knows his sins. Maybe he’ll end up reincarnated. Maybe he’ll do better.

There’s water in his helmet. Where did it come from? It slides down the visor without a noise. More drops join it. His breath is getting short and for a moment he worries the oxygen is already gone. But it isn’t. It’s just him.

It’s just him and his tears in the middle of nowhere, waiting to die.

* * *

Time passes slowly in this place. He can only tell by the decrease in power levels. 30% left. But the time has brought peace. He’s fought out his anger and cried out his sadness. There’s nothing left to feel but acceptance.

He is going to die, and now, he accepts that. Five stages of grief, he remembers distantly. When his father died, the state made him see a therapist for a while, per protocol. Keith hadn’t liked her very much. She didn’t treat him like a person, didn’t care about his life, barely remembered his name. All the stuff she said was just textbook repetition. Most of the others weren’t any better. But he remembers the five stages of grief. He’s pushed through his denial, fought against the anger, tried bargaining, pressed through depression, and now he must have hit acceptance. 

And he has. Keith doesn’t feel the injustice of the situation or the lack of will to do anything. At the very least, he knows he’s done his best trying to get Red online. But his helmet can’t do much more. It’s only meant for protection and communication, not to provide oxygen for long periods of time.

Communication.

Keith sits up straighter. He’s already tried the comms and he can see the pending message notification in the corner of his visor screen as he tries them again. A plan starts to take shape. The messages won’t reach them unless his helmet reconnects. And he’s fairly certain at this point that he won’t be alive for it.

But he can still leave messages. He can still say the things he needs to say, wants to say, should have said long ago. It’s a gift he won’t refuse. He presses the comm button, and starts speaking from beyond the grave. 

_“Hey, guys. I just wanted to say goodbye.”_

_“Red’s down and out and I’m, well, I’m not going to make it. I’m sorry. I know we’re already down one Paladin but...I guess there isn’t anything else I can do to fix this. We got hit with something a few...hours ago? It’s probably been a day or so. Be careful in this area if you come out here; I’m still not sure what hit us. I hope you all get this message, that Red makes it back to you guys somehow. The star next to us is going supernova and I don’t know how much time we have left.”_

_“Not that it matters for me. I’ve only got a bit of time left with the battery on my helmet. Oxygen’s getting thin. But I’d like to at least say some things before I go. You guys probably know that I’m...not the best with things like this. I’ve never been good at talking or feelings or anything like that. But I’ve come to terms with this, but I just wanted to, you know, say goodbye. I didn’t get that. You deserve some, uh, closure? Is that the word? I guess so. So, uh, here I go.”_

_“First of all, don’t let Red get hurt by this. I hope she’ll come out of it okay, but she...I can’t imagine losing her. I don’t know what losing a Paladin does, but take care of her, okay? She’ll find someone else soon enough.”_

_“As for the rest of you, well, I’ll just start somewhere. Uh, Coran, I want to thank you.”_

* * *

It’s been a long day training and Keith honestly just wants to put in some time with Red and forget all the horrific failures of the day. However, that apparently has to wait, since as he rounds the corner, he finds someone else waiting for him by Red.

“-do you remember? I must have watched it a dozen times at that point, but it never got any less impressive.”

Keith walks up behind Red and rounds the corner to interrupt the rambling. He’s surprised by who he sees. “Everything okay Coran?”

The Altean in question whirls around and flushes red. “Ah, yes! I was just…checking the Lions. Nothing to worry about here! I should be going.”

Coran walks out abruptly and Keith stares after him. He looks up at Red. “What was that about?”

Red stays silent, impassive, and Keith sighs. As long as it doesn’t interfere with the mission, it doesn’t matter. Red doesn’t seem to be bothered by it and lets him in right away. He gets his hands on the controls and forgets all about the problem.

Or he would have, if the same thing hadn’t happened another two times in the next week. Once he can ignore, but three times is a pattern and Keith isn’t exactly comfortable with whatever secret Red and Coran are keeping. So the next time he walks down the hangar corridor and hears the hushed whispers of Coran’s voice, he decides he has to do something.

“Alright Coran, what’s going on? What are you doing with Red?” His tone gets a bit angry, but he can’t help it. No one else has been getting these visits, and Red’s pretty much all he has. If there’s still some question of his ability to pilot her, he’d like someone to say it to his face rather than run around behind his back.

Coran, predictably, rears back and waves his hands rapidly. “Nothing at all! Just maintenance, you know. We’ve got to keep everything in ship-shape condition!”

Keith just stares at him. He’s willing to wait for some truth. Coran leans to the right as if to make his escape, but Keith blocks the way. “Not this time. What’s going on? I’m Red’s Paladin. I have a right to know.”

Something strange flashes in Coran’s eyes, but it passes quickly. Coran fingers the edge of his mustache, leaning forward to see if there’s any way he could get past Keith. There isn’t, and Keith’s made sure of that. Things stall, and Keith waits again. He’s not much for patience but he’s trying. Patience yields focus.

Coran must know he won’t budge on the matter and suddenly it’s as though the light has gone out of him. Keith actually jerks back a bit, startled. Coran has always been the cheerful guide in their adventures. He’s not sure what to do with this sudden sadness.

“I suppose you do have a right to know.” Coran walks back to Red and bushes a hand over her leg, fingers splayed against the chips in the paint, the little dents, the marks that never really leave. “Come here then.”

Keith follows him to the supply crates and they take a seat across from each other. Coran brushes a hand through his mustache, sighing. “What do you know about the original Paladins?”

That’s hardly what he was expecting. He blinks a few times as if that will help him make sense of things. “The original Paladins? Nothing really. Neither you nor the Princess has ever said anything about them. Well, aside from...you know, Zarkon.”

Keith pauses. He remembers the struggle Shiro had. He knows why the Paladins can be dangerous, why the Princess and Coran both reacted badly when his heritage came out.

“What you may not know are the other Paladins. Nor who created the Lions, although you may be able to guess. The Paladins were great heroes, and great friends to myself and Allura.” Coran looks away, staring at Red again. “The original Paladin of the Red Lion, and the creator of them all, was King Alfor.”

It sucks the breath from him.

Red’s last paladin was the King of Altea. Allura’s father. Creator of the Lions, hero to people all over the galaxy. And now she had him.

They sit in silence while Keith grapples with the revelation. He’s used to the competition for being the best, but this is a whole new level of impossible comparison. He could never measure up to someone like that. Now he knows why they must have been reluctant to leave him with Red. King Alfor’s legacy, tainted by Galran hands. Especially after Zarkon’s betrayal. Keith clenches his hands into fists. There’s no way to respond to that.

“Red was his Lion, and he was her Paladin.” Coran’s voice breaks him from his thoughts, and he turns to face him again, surprised to see Coran looking back at him. “They were an undeniable duo, the soul of Voltron, the right-hand man. Sometimes it seems only she could remember. I won’t bring that pain to Allura.”

Keith swallows dryly. “I understand. I’m…I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“For it being me. It must seem like an insult to his memory.” Keith shuts his eyes. He can’t look at him. He can feel his own shame rising.

He startles at the feeling of a hand on his arm. Coran’s gotten up and moved closer to him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. He forces himself to look. He doesn’t see the anger, the disappointment, the revulsion. He doesn’t see anything he expected. Instead, all Keith sees is acceptance.

“I realize we may have acted hastily with the revelation of your…heritage, but rest assured, no one here has any doubt of your qualifications. Alfor was a great man. But I believe in you as well. Red knew him best, and she chose you. That counts for something. And besides that, I cannot imagine anyone more fiercely loyal and dedicated to this team than you. That legacy, his legacy, lives on in that.”

Keith can only stare.

Coran smiles and gets up. “Now, we’ve got plenty to do, so I’ve got to get back upstairs to help with the plans for the coalition. I’ll let you get back to Red.”

He walks away jauntily, as if he hadn’t just given Keith the most honest, serious pep talk he’d ever received. Keith manages to call out to him. “Coran, wait!”

The other turns back to him and Keith coughs before choking out a simple and insufficient, “Thank you.”

Coran doesn’t seem to mind, just smiles at him and turns back around.

Keith sits there for a long time after Coran leaves. Eventually, Red purrs to him, calls him to her. She tells him she is proud of him. She tells him Alfor would be as well.

They take off for the skies. The stars seem so much brighter than normal.

* * *

_“I don’t know if you remember it, but you gave me the courage to keep being Red’s Paladin. Thinking that I had any right to be in her after… it meant the world to me. I know I’m not anyone’s first choice, but you made me feel like I was still worthy. You’ve always been our support, and I know it must be hard to stay behind sometimes. But thank you. I don’t know where we’d be without you around. I hope Red’s next Paladin can, well, carry on the legacy, if you don’t mind me saying it.”_

_“Now, uh, Princess, I want to thank you as well.”_

* * *

Keith doesn’t know many women. When he was little, it was just the various social workers and foster moms. Shiro’s mom was the first woman who ever really tried to talk to him. Even at the Garrison, he kept to himself. His teachers were distant at best. Princess Allura, then, is a mystery.

She’s not really like any of the others. She’s certainly not like the distracted and careful social workers, none of whom really cared about him but acted like they did. The Princess does care, sometimes too much. 

She’s not a mother, kind and all-knowing. She’s protective and self-sacrificing and mature, but she’s not going to just forgive everything. She makes them work for it. She’s family of a different sort, teasing and commanding at the same time. If he had to, he’d consider her a sister more than a mother. He’s never had a sister until Voltron. Now he has two.

She’s also not his teacher, no matter how much he learns from her. They were distant and pressuring. The Princess drives him but she knows when it’s too much. She’s brilliant and a leader, but she’s no protocol follower like they were. She’s the one who makes the call in the end.

He owes her a lot, they all do. Which is the only reason why he decides to suck it up and apologize. He meant to do it after the whole Galra-heritage thing calmed down, since Shiro kept telling him to consider her point of view. But then Shiro was gone and Voltron was gone and everything fell apart.

He steps through the door to the skydeck. The Princess spends a lot of her time there, watching the stars. It reminds him of himself. He wonders if she searches for her parents there like he does.

She’s staring at the sky when he enters, eyes flickering down to meet his and widening in surprise. “Keith? I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Sorry Princess. I didn’t mean to startle you. I was hoping we could talk though?” Keith made his way to her and sat down. 

She looks at him for a moment then nods her head. “Of course. What do you have to say?”

That’s the question, isn’t it? What does he have to say to her? There’s certainly a lot he could say but...none of it feels quite right, all the words he tried to stumble though in his room, practicing in the mirror like he used to do for presentations in school. He sighs. “I want to just tell you that I, I’m sorry for the whole thing with the Blade. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard.”

He looks at to his side. The Princess is staring at him, eyes wide and head tilted just a bit.

“I just...you know, I started to guess what I was. What I am. And I just,” he clenches his fists, forcing the words out before they get stuck and hidden forever, “I just wanted there to be good Galra out there.”

There are things still unsaid there, like why he wanted that, or how he pushed too hard and should’ve listened. But he can’t say anymore. It’s more than he wanted to say but, it’s what he needed to. He thinks Shiro would be proud that he actually tried talking to someone for once. He hopes this fixes the awkwardness between them. Keith risks a glance at her face.

She’s staring at him still, brows furrowed. Moments pass.

“Did it bother you that much, to think I was hurt by it?” She asks, a bit suddenly.

Keith’s a bit startled by her question, but he tries to get out a bit more truth. “I suppose so. I just don’t like the tension. We need to work together, you know, to defeat Zarkon and everything. Although I guess we kinda already did that-”

“Keith,” the Princess cuts in, drawing his attention, “your belief in a good portion of the Galra was right, and I should have seen that. After everything, it seemed impossible that any one of them could be on our side. But nothing is ever black and white, I know that. And wanting people, your people, to have good in them is an admirable trait. I’m glad you fought for it, because we need all the allies we can get, and they have certainly proven themselves.”

They stare at each other for a minute, while Keith takes it in. He blinks finally, and murmurs, “So you aren’t mad?”

The Princess laughs, and it sounds like literal bells. He wonders if it’s an Altean thing or an Allura thing. It might be both. “Keith, I’m not upset. I’m glad you stood up for it, and I’m glad you cared enough to apologize. You’re a good person, a good paladin. I, and the universe, are glad to have you in Voltron.”

It stuns him a little. He stares at her, more intently. She has to be lying or joking, right? He’s not exactly MVP material. Sure he can handle a fight, but he’s not even remotely a people-person. But the more he looks, the more he realizes how serious she is. And it feels...warm.

“Thank you, Princess.”

“I’m only telling you what you should know.”

They sit in silence for a bit. Keith fidgets and looks up at the stars. They’re very different from Earth. He keeps searching for the familiar constellations of his youth but they aren’t there. The Princess clears her throat. “Would you like to know the stories of the stars?”

“Stories?” Keith asks, mostly confused but also a bit shocked she would want to continue to talk to him. “What do you mean?”

“The stars tell stories, great histories and fairy tales. I’m sure you must have them on Earth?” She tugs at the ends of her hair and it strikes Keith that she might be just as awkward and lonely as he is. It seems impossible, but the Princess doesn’t really have anyone either, aside from Coran. He studies her for a moment, and starts to relax into his place on the floor.

“Yeah, I guess. We call them constellations, pictures in the sky that have stories behind them. But these are very different stars and I don’t think the same constellations are here.” He sighs and looks back at the sky.

The Princess does the same, starlight glinting on the glass above them. “I suppose not. These aren’t really Altean stars either, but sometimes I think I catch a glimpse and I just...I’d like to share those stories again.”

“I’d be glad to listen. And, uh, I could tell you about Earth’s? In exchange?” He makes the offer while stumbling over his words. It’s awkward and tense, since Keith’s never really talked about the stars with anyone other than his dad. His dad, who taught him every constellation in the sky. His dad, who cared about him and raised him and left him. His dad, who might have done the same thing as another father, ten thousand years earlier and ten thousand light years away. Keith turns to look at her. 

She’s smiling. “I’d like that.”

“Okay,” he says, “okay. That’s good.” 

And he means it.

* * *

_“I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to accept me, someone who must have seemed like your worst enemy. But you did. You were able to look past all that, all those flaws, and accept me as I am. It’s something I appreciate. I’m sorry I never got to finish telling you about the constellations. I hope one of the others can help. Did I ever tell you that it was my dad who taught them to me? I’ve always wondered who taught you. But the stars are a constant, no matter what. Look at the skies and you’ll always find the ones you lose. Remember that.”_

_“I suppose I should apologize to Pidge next.”_

* * *

With Shiro gone, he has somehow become the de facto leader, which he’s not exactly fond of. But at least they aren’t pushing him towards Black. They turn the other way as he goes out later and farther with Red, keeping up his search. Maybe that’s the reason why he’s been appointed this particular duty, rather than Lance or Hunk or even the Princess, who actually have people skills. But no, it’s apparently up to him.

He creeps into the room, half expecting to be yelled out before he can even enter. It would be better than whatever mess he would make, but unfortunately, nothing stops him. The room is dark, except for the glow of the screens. He walks up to the main screen and sits down, trying to figure out where to start.

“So…uh, how are you doing?” Even he cringes.

Pidge raises her head and stares at him. “That might be the lamest opening in the world, but I’m sad, not angry, so I’ll let it slide.”

Keith sighs. “Yeah, I know. I’m not good at this kind of thing. I don’t know why they sent me. I still think Hunk would have been a better choice.”

“Probably,” Pidge agrees, leaning back on her hands, glasses askew. “But they picked you. And nothing they’ve said has been even remotely helpful. So, what kind of wisdom do you have?”

Pidge has always been straight-forward. He likes it. She’s not so scared to get to the heart of things, to skip the meaningless talk. And she’s brave, brave enough to challenge the Garrison and fool it. He tried and failed, and so her success is all the more important to him. They’re not so different. He wishes he could help.

“I wish I could help,” he says, “but I don’t know how. I got lucky finding Shiro. He just landed right in my backyard. But I remember the searching, the wondering, the wandering. And I know what it feels like now. Searching in nothing for something that might not exist. At least you have a lead.”

She laughs. “You sound jealous.”

“I am,” he says, and surprises himself. “I’d give anything for a clue right now.”

“Even when that clue ends up as a dead end?” Pidge sobers up, staring at the blurred photo of Matt from the security footage. “Trust me. Having no hope to begin with is better than having it taken away.”

“I know. I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.”

The one lead they had on Matt, a soldier for a rebellion that went by an old codename he’d apparently used on Earth with Pidge, had died recently. The only good thing is that he wasn’t Matt. But that left them without clues again. And the rebellion was still practically impossible to track down, even with the might of Voltron and the coalition, or Pidge and Hunk’s collective tech skills. It was enough to bring everyone down.

Pidge sniffles next to him, and Keith stiffens. Crying is not something he knows how to handle. He didn’t know how to calm down crying girls! His internal panic grows steadily, until Pidge sneezes. He whips his head around to look at her and she only laughs again. “I bet you thought I was crying! Nah, I won’t do that to you. I know you can’t handle it. I’m not that sad yet. Just…”

“Disappointed and tired and homesick but like for a person?” Pidge nods. “I know the feeling.”

Pidge pulls her knees up to her chest. “I know you do. I think you might be the only person who actually gets how I feel, which is kind of alarming, because you’re not exactly a example of healthy emotions, but hey, what are you gonna do? We can’t change this.”

He watches as she flicks through the hologram screens, algorithms running constantly, numbers flying across the screen. “I’ve made a program for Shiro too, you know.”

He didn’t know, but it means the world to him, her taking the time to make the same effort for Shiro as she does for her brother. Keith smiles a little, and bumps her shoulder. “Thank you. We’ll find them Pidge, I promise.”

Pidge wraps her arms around her legs again, head falling down on her knees and hair covering the sides of her face. “You think so? Sometimes it seems impossible.”

Keith reaches out, hesitantly. He’s not sure if he’s got this whole comforting thing down, but it feels right. He rests his hand on her shoulder. “I promise Pidge. And I don’t break promises.”

He holds out his other hand, pinky reaching. Pidge stares at it, ducking her head and smirking. “A pinky promise? Really?”

“Just do it. I’ve never broken one.” Pidge looks at him and he forces himself to hold her gaze. She carefully reaches out and links their pinkies together. Her hand looks small and fragile in the blue light.

They sit like that for who knows how long. Eventually Pidge lets go and sits up again, hands already flying over the keyboard. “Then I’ve got work to do.”

And just like that, everything seems to go back to normal. Keith gets up and heads for the door. “Hey Pidge?”

She barely turns her head, fingers never slowing down. “Yeah?”

“I mean it.” He doesn’t know what else to say, just hopes she’ll understand.

Pidge turns back to her screens. “I know. Now get out of here and let me do my thing. Go bother Hunk or Lance. Actually, tell Hunk to come up here. I’ve got an idea for a new scanner protocol but I need some help with the construction.”

“I’m not your messenger!” He calls out, catching a glimpse of her smirk before he steps through the door. Everything will be fine.

He’ll keep that promise. He’ll keep that promise if it’s the last thing he does. Pinky promises are sacred, after all.

* * *

_“I’m sorry. I won’t be able to keep that promise after all, I guess. It’s the first pinky promise I’ve ever broken. I’m sorry it had to be this one. But even if I’m not there, I know you’ll still keep up your end. You’ll find Matt someday. And Shiro, I hope. You’re the smartest person I know. If anyone can solve the mystery, it’ll be you. So stay strong. Even when it seems hopeless, just know I believe in you. Maybe he won’t drop out of the sky, but as long as you keep trying, you’ll get closer and closer to him. I met him once, you know, with Shiro. He seemed nice, if a bit too smart for someone like me. You’ll find each other again. So I’m sorry I can’t help, but you never really needed my help anyways, did you?”_

_“Ah, this is surprisngly hard. Now Hunk, I want you to know that even if that attempt at Blaxion Ukartz didn’t go well, it meant a lot.”_

* * *

The ride back from the Weblum is awkward and silent. Now that the mission is over, Keith has nothing to say. It’s not the most awkward ride he’s ever had (that title goes to his and the Princess’s escape run), but it isn’t exactly comfortable.

Luckily, Hunk seems to be feeling just as awkward, if the constant fidgeting and heavy breathing is anything to go by. Keith is more than happy to just sit in silence but Hunk apparently is not.  
“So…are you sure you aren’t purple?”

As much as he would like to remain calm, it’s been a long day, and he really feels like he can’t be blamed for his reaction. “WOULD YOU STOP?”

Hunk looks taken aback and goes back to fidgeting. “Sorry, sorry. You know, I’m just, uh, it’s awkward? And I’m pretty used to talking to someone during the flights, especially since all my training flights were with Lance so…”

Keith sighs. “I’m not upset. I just wish everyone would stop thinking I’m different just because I know who I am now!”

Admittedly, shouting that doesn’t really get match what he’s saying, but it’s been a long day. He has strange liquid in strange places and he hates it.

“I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Keith turns to face him. “For the rest of us, you know, you are different now. I guess we all thought we knew who you were. But I guess we didn’t. We’re just trying to adjust. I’m sure the others are too!”

Keith huffs and reaches out to steer Red towards the next star system. “Even the Princess?”  
The room goes back to being awkward. Hunk shifts next to him. “Even her, I’m sure. It’s just different for us. Sorry about that, by the way. I know we didn’t really react in the best way. It’s probably not any different than if I just found out I was Samoan. But I’m sorry for that.”

“It’s okay,” Keith murmurs. “It is. I just wish everyone would stop looking at me like I’m gonna sprout ears or start attacking people or turn purple!”

The last part is punctuated with a distinct stare at Hunk, who at least has the decency to look ashamed. Then another part of Hunk’s speech catches his attention. “Wait, Samoan?”

Hunk nods. “Yeah! My grandmother’s family all came from the island. We still try to take her back once a year. She’s 85 now but she still has friends from her home village there. They always throw a big party when we come back. It’s got the best food, like literally the best. That’s where I started to learn how to cook!”

Hunk gestures wildly as he explains. Keith feels a bit lost. He’s never had anything like that. He’s got half-colored memories of his father and nothing but a knife from his mother. He’s never been able to experience something like that. Hunk stops moving sometime during his thoughts and stares at him.

“What?” He crosses his arms. And things had been going well.

“You don’t have that, do you?” Hunk asks. “Family gatherings, food for every holiday. I can’t imagine that… ”

Keith bristles. He doesn’t need people feeling sorry for him. “No! I don’t! So just…leave it.”

The room gets quiet again. Times passes and Keith wonders if Hunk’s finally given up on him. It’s better that he does. He’d rather not talk about his past.

“Well maybe the Blade can help.”

“What?” Keith looks back at Hunk, who’s rubbing a hand on his chin, staring off into space.

“They have to know what Galra stuff is like. Maybe I can ask for some recipes? At least those ingredients should be easier to find. I do not want to try to track down the Altean equivalent for eggs again. That is something I never need to see again.”

Keith stares at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that time we had to search for Hip’hasken loobits, remember? That sucked. I feel like they should really have people who harvest those for you. I’d pay for it. I cannot go through that swamp thing again.” Hunk trails off and shivers.

This conversation doesn’t help him any. Keith is still confused. He tries to ask again, but all that comes out are broken syllables.

Hunk looks at him and frowns. “You should be able to have food from your heritage. I know Lance always gets home-cooked food when he goes back home, and Pidge’s family eats Italian like all the time. Not to mention the holidays! Lance goes back to Cuba with his family every year for their big family Christmas, and I go out to Samoa during the summers. Shiro must have holidays with his family too! He asked for a sushi substitute once, with tuna and wasabi. I think what I made came out okay but fish is weird out here. Galra gotta have something!”

“You…want to cook…something Galra…for me?” Separately, he understands all those words, but together, it doesn’t quite make sense.

“Well yeah!” Hunk looks at him like it’s obvious. “I love cooking. It’s something my dad and I always did together. Putting things together to make something amazing! What could be better? That’s why I went for engineering at the Garrison too, you know. It’s not really that different. But I cook for everyone. Coran showed me those Altean recipes we’ve been having, and I tried to make empanadas for Lance last week. Those probably could have gone better but hey, at least they looked good! But anyways, I’m always up for trying new things. And you deserve to have food from your family. Everyone does.”

Keith looks at him. The last time someone cared enough to cook for him was literally years ago, back when he couldn’t cook for himself. Since then, he’d survived on cup ramen and frozen veggies. Someone cooking for him, trying to make him happy, taking care of him. He feels warm.

“Oh...thank you, Hunk.” It’s possibly the most genuine thanks he has ever given. “I think I’d like that.”

Hunk positively beams at him and goes back to discussing possible dishes and all the things he’s tried to make on the castle ship. He launches into a particularly inspired tirade against his attempted substitute for cocoa powder and chocolate and Keith hums at all the appropriate moments.

It’s comfortable.

* * *

_“No one’s tried to cook for me since I figured out how to do it myself. It’s one of those things family does for you, and I, well, I didn’t have any. So while it might have seemed like a failure or a waste of time to you, I just want you to know that I ate every last bite. Even those ones the others asked you to throw out, I took them and ate them. It tasted really, really, really good to me. Well, the charcoal bit wasn’t great, but it was...something meant for me. For my heritage. I wish I could have tried the next batch. I’m sure they’ll be delicious. So thank you, for caring enough.”_

_“Thinking about family, I just, I want to...I have to believe you’ll find Shiro. So...when you do just, ah, let him know.”_

* * *

The old treehouse at the Johnson’s is the best place to hide out. Keith knows this well by age 11. Not that anyone’s even looking anyways, but you can never be too careful. His foster parents have probably already reported him missing, but kids in the system rarely attract attention as runaways. If he can make it just a few more days, he should be able to leave safely. The old farmhouse should still be standing, and with any luck, still unsold. Keith’s not prepared for any luck to come his way though. The farmland will still be enough to shelter him and give him food. It’s the only plan he has.

His stomach growls. He underestimated just how much he needed to eat, so he can’t afford to waste any of this precious supplies now. One meal a day is enough; he’s lived on less. Still, it would be nice to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right then. Cut diagonally with smooth Jif peanut butter and strawberry Smuckers jelly. His stomach rumbles again. He should really think about something else, he knows, but now he’s really on a roll.

He’d also like a chocolate pudding cup and a Gogurt tube and some diced pineapple cups, maybe even the ones with mango too. He wants a McDonald's Happy Meal with a cheeseburger and some fresh hot french fries, and a chocolate shake to top if off. He wants a Spongebob ice cream popsicle from the ice cream truck that comes on Tuesdays to the corner of the street. But he can’t have those things. 

Keith buries his head between his legs and tries to will the hunger away. But he can practically smell a plate of fresh nachos, hot cheese on Doritos, because that’s the way he was taught. 

As if on cue, the trapdoor flies open and the nachos appear. Keith stares at it for a few seconds, unable to understand. Then two hands appear and soon a head and a body and legs. Keith looks away. “What do you want?”

“Thought you might be hungry. It’s yours if you want. I’m not gonna try anything. Just come out of the corner, Keith.” 

He won’t look at the voice, not after what he did. Keith can feel the phantom pain in his heart pulse. But the smell of food is so strong and so good that his stomach growls again. He tries to ignore it, curling up into an even smaller ball. 

“I know you’re mad at me, but I can hear your stomach. Please, just eat something! Julia said you’ve been missing since last Friday and…” He trails off.

Keith wants to keep ignoring him so badly, but he’s so hungry. He hasn’t eaten yet today and it’s too much. He slides out of his corner in the shadows and snatches the plate over without thinking. His hands are dirty and covered in cuts but he’s too hungry to care about germs, digging in as fast as he can. It’s good, cheesy and crunchy with just the right punch of Doritos flavor.

(A memory comes to him quickly.

“This is the superior nacho-making way Keith. Gotta have Doritos for that double-cheese taste.”

“Still seems gross.”

“Trust me, after you have some, you’ll change your mind. C’mon and help me get the cheese from the fridge.”)

He shakes his head and finishes the plate off quickly. There’s a water bottle sitting next to it, now that he notices, and he snatches that up too. His throat aches from the lack of water and it feels so soothing. He slides the plate and the half-finished water bottle back, still refusing to look at the person who brought it. 

“Keith,” he starts again, “I know what happened, but your answer to everything can’t be to run away. I know you’re brave enough to face your problems head on, and sometimes you have to stick around to face the consequences.”

“I’m not the one who left!” It bursts out of him, shocking them both. He hadn’t meant to say anything, but sometimes he just can’t help it. Keith stares at his hands. He hadn’t run away from school because of the fight, but becauses there was nowhere, rather no one, to run to. The same person who taught him everything, who made him feel like he finally had a home, who stood by him and ruffled his hair, corrected his homework, made the bullies run away, made him those stupid Doritos nachos every time he got frustrated or sad or happy, that person hadn’t been there when he needed him and it hurt.

“Oh Keith…” There’s a presence at his side now. The other takes a deep breath, and Keith can see him clenching his hands. “Look, I can’t promise that I’ll always be right here to help, since I know I’m going to be gone sometimes. But I am always, always, with you. I promise that. Family doesn’t leave each other behind, okay?”

The pain in his chest is expanding and Keith feels tears building in his eyes. He risks a glance up, taking in the new uniform and haircut, but the familiar lines of his face. 

“Pinky promise?” Keith’s had plenty of people lie to him and break promises, but never a pinky promise. Mostly because he doesn’t offer them to the adults.

“Pinky promise.” He links their pinkies together, and that breaks the last of Keith’s defenses, tears falling freely. He throws himself on the only family he has, clutching at his shirt and sobbing.

“I really missed you Shiro.”

Shiro hugs him tighter, rubs at his back, and doesn’t complain about the tears on his new uniform shirt or the smell of an 11 year old boy who hasn’t showered in a week or the dirt covering him. “I missed you too Keith, but I’m always here with you, I promise.”

(Years later, when Kerberos goes wrong, and all the times after, Keith refuses to cry. Shiro will never break that pinky promise, and so Keith believes he’s still out there, every time. And every time, he is. It’s the only person that’s ever stayed constant in Keith’s life, the only family he’s ever been able to count on, the only promise never broken. It means the world to him.)

* * *

_“Let him know that I...missed him. But don’t let him know I was searching for him when this happened. He’ll only feel guilty. And he shouldn’t. Even if this would happen again, if it gave me a chance to find him, I’d take it. He’s the only family I’ve ever really had. He’s my brother. He’s...everything. When I was young and lost and angry he gave me what I needed to survive, to thrive, to live. He never gave up on me, no matter how many times I had to switch foster families, or got kicked out of school, or got angry and broke things and ran away. I just want him to know I wouldn’t give up on him. He deserves better. And for that matter, don’t let him feel guilty about the Galra stuff, or the arena fights. He did what he needed to do. He’s always been a fighter, and I’ve never admired anyone more. I...I love him, my brother. I wish I could say that. Just...let him know.”_

_“Shit. I didn’t want to cry.”_

_“I suppose that leaves Lance. Ah, what do I say here? There’s too much, you know? I wonder if you do. You meant...a lot to me.”_

* * *

The beaches look “just like Varadero,” which is, of course, why they absolutely have to stop. Keith’s not complaining. Five weeks of attacking outposts and making nice with the locals has taken a lot out of him, all of them really. And if it makes Lance happy in particular, then that’s just coincidence. He finds himself thinking more and more about Lance’s happiness as the weeks pass.

It really is beautiful there though. The ocean is a shade of blue he’s not sure he’s ever really seen before but the water is clear enough that he can see the ocean floor, decorated in sparkling sand, colorful shells, and bright wildlife. (They look like fish but he’s not positive because one definitely sprouted wings when it jumped out of the water earlier.) The sand on the beach is as soft as silk, and just warm enough, on the edge of being too hot but never crossing the line. 

Pidge has taken up residence under one of the trees, a bright green trunk with golden leaves like feathers. Despite the cover, she’s wearing a giant sun hat and the Altean equivalent of sunscreen is smeared on her arms and legs. She’s brought her work with them, despite the “vacation,” analysing the surroundings, like the fruits Hunk keeps bringing from the surrounding forest, checking each one to be sure they’re safe to eat but also growing her universal database. Someday Pidge’s Universal Encyclopedia will be a household name, according to Lance and Hunk. He doesn’t doubt them.

Hunk appears to be making some kind of island feast from the fruits Pidge has okayed. Keith can count about ten different dishes in preparation, but he’s sure that there will be more by the time he’s done. He feels a bit odd, like he should be helping, but Hunk really seems in his element, and Pidge is adding enough commentary to the endeavor. It already smells delicious.

Shiro and the Princess are still acting like responsible adults and watching over everyone from their perch on the beach, but Keith knows they’re watching each other just as much. Someday he’ll have to convince Shiro to confess, but until then, he’ll just laugh from the sidelines. The Princess seems genuinely elated to be on a beach, since Altean beaches apparently have some kind of acid lava instead of water. She’s laid out on a sun chair, hair down and feet up. Shiro looks more and more relaxed every second, more than he’s been in a long time, and Keith is glad for it.

Out in the ocean, Lance is trying to teach Coran how to swim. It’s pretty clearly not working, if Coran’s flailing limbs and shouting are any indication. But Coran keeps at it, determined to learn this “human test of strength.” It’s amusing to be honest, and Lance seems to agree, laughing brightly as he helps Coran stay afloat. He looks blissfully happy, and suddenly Keith can’t see anything else.

Lance is clearly at home here, in golden sand, sapphire waters, and faintly lavender skies with two setting suns in the background. The glow they cast gives Lance a golden halo, like something heavenly. Keith’s cheeks heat as he notices how Lance has benefitted from training, toned muscle all over. His hair is slick from the water and he’s pushed it back, droplets still running down his face. And as beautiful as the ocean is here, it has nothing on Lance’s eyes, a shade of blue somehow brighter, more sparkling, more irresistible. His smile is brighter than the suns behind him combined, drawing Keith in like a moth to a flame. That laugh is possibly the purest sound he’s ever heard. 

Vaguely, he realizes that all of this is pretty damn gay, and pretty damning in terms of the crush he’s been seeing unfold, but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed. He’s still too lost in Lance to care. He’s probably the most beautiful thing Keith has even seen, more than the stars he’s loved for years and dreamt of being in. It’s better than anything and everything. It’s an unforgettable memory.

* * *

He first realizes it laying under the stars on the observation deck. Stargazing has always been his place to reflect, from the time he decided on being a pilot to the time he finally accepted he was definitely not straight and definitely super gay. Big changes, all of them, so in looking back, of course he’d realize he was in love with Lance while stargazing. However, this, like previous Big Moments, was not an easy realization.

“Oh hell no!” He snaps up from his relaxed sprawl on the floor and smacks his own head. “What the fuck am I doing? There’s no way.”

But even as he says it, he knows it’s wrong. There is a a way, and he’s taken it. Keith lays back down with a growing sense of understanding and, buried under it, fear. 

It was slow. The first few weeks were rough. Keith suddenly had a “rival” he knew nothing about. Lance got on his nerves, always challenging him and being there in that loud, obnoxious way. But by the time they all got separated, Lance was, if unwillingly, his friend. Hunk and Pidge had also worked their way in his carefully closed off heart, Coran and the Princess close behind them. For the first time, he had teammates, and more importantly, friends.

But Lance, infuriating, irritating, incredible Lance didn’t stop there. He barged his way into Keith’s life and made himself at home. Somewhere in-between the training sessions and Altean movie night and the oddly frequent food fights and the boring diplomatic missions and the almost catastrophic clashes with the Galra, Keith fell. It would have been difficult not to. Lance is a bright star, complicated, beautiful, and intense, one minute riling him up and the next saving his life. Between flirting confidently with the alien damsel-in-distress of the day and the nights he joined Keith under the stars and spilled out stories of the home he so missed, the insecurities he felt on the team, the fear of never quite getting to go back, Lance was a contradiction Keith was lost in, tangled up and trying to escape. Lance was so much more than he appeared to be, than he let himself be. He was, in fact, a great pilot, a better shot, and an even better teammate, always the first to come to someone’s aid. He’s saved all of their lives multiple times by now. His bond with Blue was still the closest of any of them, according to the Princess. Keith wonders distantly if he should have seen this coming way back when Lance became Blue’s Paladin. Blue had enraptured him mind and body and soul back on Earth, why would her Paladin be any different? 

Here, under the stars who have never lied to him, he won’t lie to himself. Love is a strong term, but he feels it. He is in love. It’s a strange realization, to understand that one person suddenly means more than anything else. How much would he do to see that smile? How much would he risk for him? He thinks about it almost constantly, though he’s never somehow realized it before. When they’re out in their Lions, he finds himself waiting for Lance to come through on the comms. He waits for Lance to come to the training rooms before he leaves, just for that little interaction. One planet they stopped at had a market, and he almost bought a scarf before realizing the only reason he liked it is because it was the same blue as Lance’s eyes. (He doesn’t want to think about why he still bought it.) He can’t afford to be so sentimental, not during a war. Not when they have to fight, have to sacrifice. But he can’t force his heart to listen. Instead, he keeps thinking about Lance’s pretty smile and the sound of his laughter and what it might feel like to clasp their hands together. It’s dangerous, but he’s made his choice.

Still, it doesn’t mean anything. Lance is brilliant and wonderful and way too good for him. He likes pretty girls, alien or otherwise, and happy, open friends. He wants the opposite of Keith. He deserves the opposite of Keith. He deserves someone bright and happy like him, someone beautiful and funny and lovely, someone who cares about people and will show it, someone who will stay with him forever. Someone who isn’t Keith. 

So Keith knows that this will only end badly for him, but at the very least, he can have this little love, this small precious piece of himself. He can allow himself this. He curls back up on the blanket, and stares up at the sky, and just for the night, he lets himself dream.

* * *

So things went sour. The team limps back home from the latest Galra confrontation. Even if they managed to win the day, it wasn’t without a cost. The comms are silent as the four make their way back to the castle ship. The Princess and Coran don’t try to make them feel better, equally quiet and pensive. The smoking parts of the Emhardrin forests are burned into his head. There’s no way to tell how much damage was done. There weren’t any reported deaths, but the fires raging in the forests and the destroyed cities speak for themselves.

Keith keeps checking on the others through Red’s cameras, making sure everyone makes it home. All of them are banged up, Yellow has a huge scratch alongside his side and Red’s paint is almost entirely seared off on her back. But it’s Blue that he watches closest, making sure the Lion never strays from their path.

When the castle ship comes into sight, he can hear everyone give a sigh of relief. They enter quickly, powering down the Lions so they can be repaired and tossing off armor along the way. Keith is mostly back to his regular clothes, tugging on gloves and his jacket by the time he makes it to Blue’s hangar. Hunk and Pidge are already waiting outside, each looking distraught. Pidge notices him first.

“Come to try your luck? He’s already thrown out Hunk and I. Maybe you’ll have better luck. At least he’ll yell at you.”

Keith grimaces. “I hope it doesn’t come to that. He threw you out?”

“Yeah,” Hunk adds, still staring at the door. “Said he didn’t want to talk. Cold shoulder was enough of a dismissal.”

“Alright, I’ll give it my best shot.” Keith squares his shoulders and moves past them to enter the hangar. It’s quiet inside, and dark, just a few blue lights to guide the way. He can make out a figure sitting against the back wall, helmet off to his side. He tries to be quiet, but to give off at least enough noise that Lance will know he’s coming.

He makes it to the wall and sits down. The silence settles around them, not comfortable but not entirely awkward either. It’s the calm before the storm. Keith thinks out his next move. If it’s the wrong choice, he’ll get thrown out. He doesn’t want to leave Lance here to wallow in self-pity alone. But he’s just not a people person. It’s a risk to really say anything, but he meant what he said. He’s giving it his best shot.

“How’s Blue?” He figures that’s the safest way to start this conversation.

He gets silence in return. Well, Hunk did mention a cold shoulder.

“The Emhardiath didn’t report any deaths. The forests will grow back and the buildings can be rebuilt.”

Silence again.

Well, he tried. Looks like it’s time to get straight at the problem. He’s not much for small talk anyways. “It’s not your fault. We all messed up.”

“Like hell it’s not!” At least it’s a response. “I’m the one who missed the callout, I’m the one who let the ships get by, I’m the one who couldn’t do his job right. I seem to remember someone else shouting that out to me.”

Keith winces. He knew that would come up. But whatever he says in the heat of battle isn’t true. It’s just emotions running high, and without Shiro, no one’s around to give instructions. Keith’s been doing his best, but he’s not a calm, tactical mind. “You know I didn’t mean that. I just get caught up. And it’s not like I did anything to help.”

“Sure you didn’t,” Lance snorts. “You just managed to take out the other twenty fighters on your own. Nope, all your fault.”

He’s staring at his hands and Keith can’t make out the expression on his face. He wishes someone else could do this. He’s not good at it, at any of it. Honestly, the best person for comfort is Lance himself.

An idea hits. “Lance, it’s not your fault. Fighting just…might not be your thing?”

Lance looks at him and just scowls. “Yeah, great, thanks Keith. Real pep talk there. You suck as much as you think you do Lance. Why’d I even let you talk?”

“I don’t know!” Keith blurts. “I really don’t. But that’s not my point. My point is that everyone has a role to play, things they’re good at. So maybe Pidge and Hunk are like geniuses and I can handle the combat. Maybe Shiro’s the leader and the Princess is our symbol. I’m not really sure what that makes Coran but-”

“No offense Keith, but you suck at comforting people.”

“I’m not finished! What I’m trying to say is that we might be meant for war, but you’re meant for peace. I mean, you’re always the one on the diplomatic stuff. You make friends like no one else and everyone always wants to see you and be around you. When all this is done, people like me just go back to waiting for another war. People like you get to go and live and be loved. So even if you aren’t meant for this, which I’m not sure is true since you’re the best shot I’ve ever seen, you are meant for something else, something more. I’d give anything to have that. Don’t forget that.”

Keith finishes his rant breathless, somehow having stood up during it. His hands are clenched into fists and he takes a few deep breaths to calm down. He didn’t mean to say all that, but some things are like breaking down a dam. It all comes out, no matter what you might intend. He risks a peek at Lance.

Lance is staring at him, jaw dropped open and eyes wide. He slowly closes his mouth and continues to just look at him. Then he starts laughing.

“What?” Keith snaps. He’s feeling very…exposed. Revealing things you didn’t mean to will do that to you.

Lance lifts his head back up and smiles. “That might be the only compliment you’ve ever given me.”

Keith shifts his weight, uncomfortable with the comment. “Well, it’s true. So just…stop blaming yourself.”

“Oh.”

The words seem to hang in the air. It’s long enough that Keith starts to think he should just leave and call this whole thing a mistake. Clearly he isn’t the right one for comforting people.

And then Lance stands up, helmet in hand and smile on his face. It’s less bright now, but it’s somehow more genuine. Keith can feel his heart beating.

“Hey Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“You still suck at comforting people.” Keith starts to protest but Lance keeps going. “But that’s okay. I’ll handle it for the both of us.”

He bumps Keith’s shoulder with his. “Thank you. I don’t know if anyone’s ever said something like that to me before. It’s surprisingly thoughtful for someone like you.”

Keith nods, mouth feeling dry. They’re close enough he feels warmth coming from Lance’s body. He doesn’t even want to argue or question what “someone like you” means. He just wants to stay there.

But the moment passes and Lance walks off towards the doors. Keith pauses before trying to catch up to him. They walk out, the stillness of the corridor now feels like contentment. They enter the elevator side by side.

“Hey Keith?”

Keith turns to look at him again. “Yeah?”

“I think you’re meant for peace too. We both are. And we’ll get there someday, together.”

Lance smiles at him and steps out to rejoin the others. Keith remains behind and tries not to hope.

* * *

_“I doubt you knew. I’m pretty good at hiding things. But you were...well first you were irritating and annoying. I didn’t have time for this supposed rivalry. But I don’t want to lie anymore; it doesn’t do me any good. I did remember you, at the Garrison. It was hard not to. You kept glaring at the back of my head in our pilot’s class. But you had so many friends and you were always so...bright, I could never bring myself to ask what I had done, to make you hate me. So I ignored you, and I’m sorry for that._

_When we all ended up at Blue, I was so jealous. I’d been trying to find her for months, and you just walked up and charmed her. You were still...so much better at that type of thing. Machines I can fly, but add a personality and suddenly I’m last in class. Even though I still think your flying was atrocious, I’d never felt more alive than that first flight in Blue._

_When I got Red, I thought we could be equals. But you just kept...fighting with me. And I’m not the bigger person, I fought back. I wish I wouldn’t have done that. But when we finally made it work, you, me, all of us, Voltron was exhilarating._

_When I was a little kid, I always wanted to be the hero. I wanted to come in and save the day, make people happy. I still think that fits you more than me. You’ll always be the hero, no matter how much I do. I’m just another soldier, but you’re the type that people follow, that people love. We’ve seen it happen enough times. But being next to you was enough._

_Do you know how incredible you are? To go from someone who I could barely stand to be with then to become someone I can’t be without? I don’t know when it happened. Somehow you just...found your way into my head, into my, well, heart._

_I could never say this, you know, to you. To your face, I mean. I don’t think the feelings, uh, are returned. But I’d like to be honest, one last time. If nothing else, you deserve to know. I think you put yourself down sometimes. Blame yourself for things. But you are amazing. You’re going to be the person people remember from our Paladins, the one who has stories and monuments and myths. The one everyone falls for. Even me, I guess. So here goes nothing. Lance, if there’s one thing I need to say, it’s this._

_I love you. I love you and everything you are. I love your warmth and your smile and the way you make me feel like I mean something. I love the way you look when you laugh and your eyes just...brighten and like literally sparkle. I didn’t even know that kind of thing was real, but hey, it is. I love how much you care and how you show it. You don’t hold back or hide, not like me, and people love you for it. I love how good you are at keeping people safe. You’re probably the best shot I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot. There’s no one I’d rather have guarding my back, fighting at my side. I actually genuinely love your stupid pick-up lines. You have no idea how much I wanted to be the one you’d tell them to. You’re so open with your feelings, so unafraid to love. I wish I could be like that. This is my attempt at it, though I’m a coward and can only do it via message when I know there’s no chance of me ever having to deal with the aftermath._

_I love you._

_Goodbye.”_

* * *

It’s funny, he thinks, that in the end, it won’t be the Galra or Zarkon that gets him. His power supplies are low enough that the helmet flashes red almost every second. 2% and counting. But Keith’s already made his peace with death. He made peace with it a long time ago really; he just didn’t recognize it until now. But he’s made his final thoughts known, the message light flashing in the corner of his helmet. Hopefully the others will find it, and Red, after the end. 

The helmet flashes 1%. He takes it off.

Immediately, his breaths are shorter, more frequent. He can tell the air is almost gone. The helmet won’t do anything but prolong things a few more minutes at this point. He places it on the dashboard next to his bayard and settles back in the seat. If he’s going to die, he’s going to at least be as comfortable as possible. It’s strange, he knows, to be this at peace with death. Yes, he has regrets, but like this, in simple silence and the vast openness of space, it’s a pretty good way to go. It’s peaceful.

He wonders if his dad felt like this in those last few moments before the crash, the slight weightlessness, the dry breaths, the darkness on the edges of existence. He would like to imagine so, if just to be a little closer to him at the end. The breaths are getting harder to take every second. 

He can see the sun still, blinding and beautiful, one last breath before death. One last thing to leave behind, even when everything else is gone. It’s ironic, but it’s his twin here. He can only hope that whatever he leaves behind lasts as long as the supernova does. 

The stars out here are gorgeous; though different from those on Earth, they’re still as comforting. Maybe he’s always known he belonged here. It’s his universal constant, everlasting and steady, the only place Keith has ever been able to call home. He can almost see them taking shape. The nebula on the right becomes Shiro’s face, proud and constant and family in a way he’s never known from anyone else. The elliptical galaxy next to it swirls into Princess Allura’s hair and her strong face, kind and unwavering. Coran is the comet behind it; its tail matching his mustache almost perfectly, so close Keith can hear the accented voice behind it. There’s an asteroid belt on the left that glows yellow and warm, giving Hunk’s face life, a bright face and a bright mind. Off behind it he can see a planet with its two moons, like shining glasses and shining tech, and Pidge is clearly there. 

But the stars, his dearest companions, take shape slower and more carefully. They build from the bottom up, strong legs and competition, the hands of the best sharpshooter in the universe, the broad planes of the chest where a good, pure, honest heart beats, and the beautiful face. From here, the stars mirror Lance’s eyes and his smile and the faint freckles on his face. It’s almost as beautiful as the real thing. 

Keith has often fallen asleep under the stars alone. But this time, he closes his eyes with the stars above and his Lion below and his family around him.

One last breath, and silence.

* * *

It’s all blue light, gorgeous blue light and warmth, the warmth of another body on his, arms around him. Everything is fresh smelling and he thinks, vaguely, he can hear waves crashing on the shore. It’s heaven.

“Welcome back Keith.”

 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it, my first bang done! Thanks to everyone who played a role in the bang, especially my artists. 
> 
> Mary's (tumblr: @artbymaryc) art is here: http://artbymaryc.tumblr.com/post/167145030377/my-piece-for-burning-up-a-sun-by
> 
> Mari's (tumblr: @little-lucky-angel) art is here: https://little-lucky-angel.tumblr.com/post/167174813629/klance-big-bang-2017-i-can-finally-post-my-big
> 
> (also in case you wanna know my tumblr is @childofsnowandice. I'm hoping to upload more fic stuff there in the future!)
> 
>  
> 
> also yes the title is totally inspired by that line from Doctor Who. sue me.


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